REINTIGRATION

So, I had originally planned to film an awesome outgoing monologue. However, I didn't configure the mic correctly, so instead I got a little silent film with no subtitles. I watered it down and added horrible guitar music, and here you go;



With the video out of comission, I guess I'll just have to ruminate on being a Mormonk in print.

I'm going to miss the robes, really; but when push comes to shove, they really didn't help as much as I had hoped they would. I just compensated for them by being extra nice and extra smiley. One interesting thing, though, was that when I forced myself to NOT smile, people payed more attention to me. True, it was probably more attention in a "I really hope he's not a psychopath" sort of way, but still. Perhaps forcing a smile isn't always the best way to do things.

People tried really hard to ignore the robes. I guess people aren't usually confident enough to rock the boat.

I learned some interesting things from wearing the robe, but I think the biggest thing I learned was that you don't NEED a robe. Of course, if I hadn't used one, I wouldn't have learned that.

The majority of what I learned came through what I did. You will always be stronger when exercising self-discipline than not. Sometimes, though, it actually takes more self-control to "indulge" than to abstain. Take the whole celibacy thing. It wasn't particularly difficult for me to avoid girls because... well, that's what I do anyway. What I SHOULD have done is seen how many dates I could get (although honestly, who's going to date a guy in black robes? I guess we'll never know now, will we?)

You'd think that now that I'm "free" I'd be dying to just run wild. Actually, I'm kind-of adopting a bunch of rules for myself, many of which are pulled straight out of the Mormonk handbook. However, these are tailor-fit to what I want to do with my life now, instead of what I want to become. Celibacy (platonic celibacy, I mean) is very out. Robes are out. Prayer and scripture reading are in. No radio? Probably need some adjustments, but most likely in. No facebook? Softened, but in. No YouTube? Probably in. I've actually enjoyed avoiding these things that waste my time and pull me down. How weird.

I also want to learn how to make and keep goals. I would have accomplished so much more as a Mormonk if I had firm ideas about what I wanted and a timeline for getting it.

My next goal is to become as successful as possible; to create a lifestyle, appearance, and demeanor that invites and even demands success.

The goatee may come back.

Wish me luck, everybody, and thanks for reading.

Adios,
~The Mormonk

FINAL Reactions Log

"All good things come to an end." ~The Mormonk?

Alright, this is my second to last post as the Mormonk, so I figured I'd better get some last-minute reactions out there.

My boss told me today that he had learned from my "monk thing" that we ought to be more action and less talk. Re-learned it, anyway. That was the best reaction yet.

One of my friends mentioned that with my tan and this do, I look like a mexican. I guess that's probably a compliment... ?

Really, the hardest thing about telling you about the reactions I get from people is that it's hard to explain all the little things; people being afraid to look at you a second time, people not quite knowing what to do with their eyes, and that split-second between them not seeing you and when they realize they shouldn't stare. So, I decided to get you a little treat. I managed to get some video of those exact responses I've been talking about. This short video represents a couple of hours of running errands, trying to record with a car remote, and generally being suspicious. Bon apetite!

Reactions Note

One interesting reaction that I've had so far is being asked for cigarrettes. This has happened to me twice now, once while wearing the robes and once in my Papa John's uniform. This had NEVER happened to me while I was clean-cut. Not that surprising, I guess, but sort of interesting. Both times I was approached, it was by teenagers.

Fail

"A Mormonk is at peace. A mormonk realized that even with the best of intentions and suitably adequite planning, plans fall through." ~The Mormonk

I don't think y'all wished me enough luck.

Monday was supposed to be pretty straightforward. Work from 7a to 12, then just chillin' until the activity at 7p. Plenty of time to wash my robe and maybe even make some last minute modifications.

'Course, when I got the opportunity to work an extra four hours, I jumped at the chance. After all, that would still give me three hours to get my robes washed and all that jazz, right?

Things begin to look at little iffy around 3.30, when calls began to come into our office at an astonishing rate.

At 4.30, I'm beginning to think that this could get really tight. It was about then that I got a call on my cell from my other work, Papa Johns. The scheduled driver had called in sick at the last minute. For some strange reason, I agreed to come in at 6, which I barely made.

Ran pizzas until 8.15. Went straight to the activity from there.

Well, at least it wasn't cowardice.

MORMONK UPDATE: I'm going to finish being a Mormonk this coming Saturday morning, instead of waiting until Monday like I wanted to. The reason for this is that my good scoutleader, Bro. H., found himself short-staffed at a week-long scout camp and asked me to come up and be their quartermaster. Why they think the quarters need a master, I may never know. Anyway, that starts on Saturday and goes until the following Saturday, and I'm probably not going to have access to a computer there, which would greatly hinder my blogging. Instead of giving you a week of dead air before writing my conclusary remarks, I think I'll just cut it short a few days.

Wimp

So, I realized that I've kind-of been being a wimp with this robe thing. I mean, I've walked around town with it one, I've walked into stores and made purchases with the robe on, I've even played paintball with the robe on (proof picture to come later). But every time there's an opportunity to meet with the people in my local congregation with the robe on, I chicken out.

My friend Kyle and I were talking, and we were discussing the old adage "the brave man dies only once, the coward a thousand times." In other words, fearing something makes it so much worse than it is. I expected all sorts of repercussions when I started wearing this robe. To date? Nothing worse than "are you from the last airbender?" People I don't talk to seem obviously a little weirded-out by it, but anybody I actually talk with about it quickly warms to the idea and even finds it entertaining.

We make excuses for ourselves, I think. "Well, if I do THAT, then THIS will happen and I'll have no friends and never be able to get a date and WON'T IT BE TERRIBLE???"

Uh, no. I have yet to run across a situation that was quite as bad as I imagined it was going to be. So, as long as I've gone this long, and as long as I'm almost out of time with this gig, I think it's finally time to look like a weirdo in front of people that I'm going to have to deal with on a long-term basis.

My church is having a big bonfire tonight. I'm going to go home and wash my robes.

Wish me luck.

The Last Vigil

I really, really wish I had something better to report than I usually do. I had intended to.

My friend Jeff came over and took me to the gym at about 11.30 last night. I feel really lucky right now, because by all rights I should be sore as all-get-out right now, but I'm not. I'm worn out and tired, but not sore.

On our way out of the gym, I looked up and realized it was the full moon. No more Mr. Fall-Asleep-Before-The-Vigil-Is-Finished; I was going to see it through this time. When I got home, I collected my scriptures, my journals, and a candlestick, and headed upstairs for the long night.

Yeah, that didn't last long.

We don't have A/C. As a result, the method I use to cool my room is a window fan. I turned out the lights and lit the candle, but candles don't give out as much light as I'd hoped. Beyond that, the window fan made sure that the candle was constantly flickering, and the only thing harder than trying to read scriptures by candlelight is trying to read scriptures by severely flickering candlelight. Heaven smite me, but it wasn't a very interesting chapter, either.

I woke up at 5.30. The candle was almost burned out. So, yes; I slept through my last vigil.

So, it's official; I've stopped shaving my head, and I only have ten days left in the robes. These next three days will constitute the last of my last festival. I'll try to make them interesting.

Reactions Log 2

Really, only one reaction. I was going into the library, and two little boys were coming out. Boy 1 opened the door, stopped dead in his tracks, and stared at me.
Boy 1: What the... !
*I smile and continue walking*
Boy 1: Are you a ninja?
Me: Close, I'm a monk.
*I continue into the library and drop off my books. Boys continue talking excitedly behind me. I turn and walk past them on my way out. A moment later, they come riding past my on their bikes, boy 1 in the lead.*
Boy 1: Hey, are you from "The Last Airbender?"
Me: No, but good guess.
Boy 2: Why did you say you were a monk, then?

Honestly, what can you say to that?


Actually, I'm a little creeped-out.

Here's something else to think about, since this is (supposedly) a blog dealing with sociology; I am boring.

Yes, we know.

Smart alecs. What I mean is, I have no real-world imagination and precious little ambition. I don't want a ferrari... can you imagine how much repairs, maintenance, and insurance would cost? Give me a good, reliable Toyota anyday. Don't want fame... gosh, I want to be able to go out in public, for the love! I just... don't really want a lot.

But the other day, as I was delivering a pizza to a used car dealership, the lady at the counter casually pointed out the least practical car on the lot and said, "you should buy the quattro." It was a car not unlike this one...




Not really paying attention, I glanced out at the parking lot and matched myself to the car I thought she would assume for me. "That one?" I asked, pointing.



When she pointed the Audi out to me, I literally laughed out loud. She was nonplussed. "How much do you think a car like that would go for?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "Fifteen to twenty thousand, probably." I really have no idea about these things.

She shook her head. "Eighty-nine ninety-five," she said slyly.

Right now, my price range is somewhere between two-hundred fifty and FREE. Yet, as I drove away, I kept looking back at that pretty Audi convertible that I hadn't even noticed driving in. Maybe I could get financing. I make a little money at Papa Johns; I could make payments if they would make them low enough. Maybe...

Guys, I don't even WANT a convertible. Definitely don't want a two-seater. Yet, if she had suggested the nasty little hatchback, I would have been able to blow it off easily. It was flattering to think that anybody could see ME... ME! In a car like THAT. Did I really give the impression of being that successful enough to drive around in a two-seater Audi convertible? Probably not, but the lady got me to think so, and that made me want to prove her right.

I think we all radiate something... success, failure, optimism, depression, whatever. Generally, the world reflects back to us what we radiate to them; but I think that the day we learn to reflect back something other than what they radiate is the day we will learn how to rule the world. If we can learn to reflect optimism back on a pessimist, friendliness back on somebody stand-offish, or success back on somebody who believes they are a failure, then we have learned how to truly change hearts and minds.

MORMONK UPDATE: tonight is my REINTIGRATION vigil. As usual, I haven't decided how it's going to work, but I'll let you know when I do. After tonight, I have ten more days before the great MORMONK experiment ends. These ten days will be spend preparing to re-enter society. How? Don't really know.

Maybe I'll just play guitar a lot.